5 Strategies to Get Rid of Holiday Stress
Sue shares some Strategies to Overcome the Stress!
If you feel like you’re going nuts trying to manage everything - holiday pressures, kids' activities and education, and your own sanity - here are 5 Steps to help you get that all under control.
Sound too good to be true? It's not!
So many of the conflicts and the anxiety we're feeling these days - holidays or not - are self-imposed. When we take a few minutes to look at the situations, we can find the clarity we need to make it all more manageable. That's why I want you to focus on these five areas. I'll give you a couple of tips as well as more resources if this is something you want a little more hand-holding on. I'm not going to leave you hanging!
1.) Identify the Pressure
Where is it coming from? Are you putting more pressure on yourself than you need to?
What would a "good enough" situation look like?
You don't have to be an overachiever during the holidays - or any time! Don't beat yourself up if you tend to have perfectionistic tendencies. Most of the time, when we really think about that, we can see that perfectionism is all wrapped up in fear. Your kids would far prefer to have a parent who is happy and enjoying the holidays with them - as opposed to one who is dissatisfied, grumpy, and disappointed.
Tip: Take a minute or two to THINK about whether the pressure is something YOU really want to do, or some other external obligation. This might help you see what gets to stay on the calendar and what does not.
Deeper Dive...
Sometimes we've reached a Burnout level of stress - especially as the parent responsible for "all-the-things!" Then we add on that layer of pressure when we're the stay-at-home parent in charge of the kids and their education.
This Unschooling Guide - Stressed Out! can help you work through this - without suggesting "just put the kids back in school!" Some of the topics we'll tackle in here include:
- Fears about "Doing Enough"
- Coping with Criticism
- Needing more Self-Care
- Their "Fun" vs. Yours
- Holding onto Stories
- Fear You Aren't Unschooling "Right"
- Personal Interests
- External Factors & Seasonal Changes
You're not alone with this! I promise!
And this Guide will help you if you need a little additional support.
2.) Identify the Kids' Stress Levels
Time to focus on how your kids are managing their stress. Are they absorbing yours? Or are they feeling pretty good about the situation? Allow time to talk with them to see what they're worried about. Sometimes we get so busy, they don't have the time and space to share what's happening.
Tip: Take some time at the end of the day to eat some popcorn or make some nachos. Just carving out a few minutes together while neither of you multitask may really help. Keep the topic light and positive. It's not the time to tell them all the things they need to do differently!
The Deeper Dive: Conversation Starter Cards...
If you're looking for an EASY way to connect more with your kids, these Conversation Starter Cards have been helping families for years! Whether your kids are younger or teens, the topics get those conversations flowing. And when that happens, you have more opportunities for connection - a key ingredient for successful unschooling! The six categories include:
- Personal Growth
- Funny/Silly
- Family Connection
- Adding More Joy
- Technology
- Community
Included in the Membership Group!
3.) Sometimes the Kids are Needy
This is a clue that they really need something different from you. Maybe there's too much hustle and bustle and something needs to come off the calendar. Maybe just for a month to see if things calm down. Or maybe you're pushing them away without realizing it - simply because YOU have so much on your plate.
Tip: Giving your child some undivided attention at the start of your day may help them with feeling that their cup is full. This will often buy you some uninterrupted time. And, you may have to do this a couple of times throughout the day. Think of it as a preemptive strike!
I have a couple of blogposts to help you with this strategy. One is all about Structure, scheduling and how to make that work with unshcooling. And the other is a collection of holiday resources for you - including the link for that workshop I did a couple weeks ago. If they holidays make it difficult to parent the way you want too, you'll want to work your way through these resources.
4.) When you've lost your patience
It's unavoidable. We're maxed out. And sometimes it seems like the kids are not aware that you're at the end of your rope. And then something breaks, or someone bickers, or the dogs track in mud, and we're losing it. Having a strategy for THAT moment means thinking about it ahead of time.
Tip: Take a quick minute or two BEFORE you say anything. There will be time when you return to the room to say what you want - you don't have to have the quickest response. That's often not our best parenting moment!
Let that moment pass WITHOUT sharing those really harsh words that are on the tip of your tongue. Then when you're calmer, you can problem solve more effectively.
Deeper Dive: Focus on Self-Care
Unschooling Mom2Mom has an enormous collection of ideas and resources over at Pinterest to help you unschool - including how to de-stress your life!
Check out this board for Self-Care Ideas for Busy Moms. (it helps for dads too!)
#5.) Swirling Negativity
Sometimes we've started to spiral. You'll know if this pertains to you if you've been thinking of all the ways the ideas I've listed before this won't work! You see only obstacles. Sometimes we have to go ahead a look at these ideas that are most upsetting and shine some light on them. Only after we've done that, can we have the space to look at the positive around us.
Tip 1:
Make a list of the specific problems that are overshadowing everything else:
- Are any happening right now?
- Or are most of them in the future - more potential problems than for-sure problems.
- Can you focus on the problem that is happening right now?
Create 2-3 DO-able Action items to get "unstuck."
Prioritize connecting with your children over connecting with the school, the curriculum or any outside influence.
Tip 2:
Once the negative thoughts have had their moment, now it's time to think about what's going right. Little things. Notice ways that you ARE connecting with your child. Think of 3 positive things that happened each day before you go to bed.
Do this with your child too! It could turn into a new bedtime ritual!
Sometimes we need to stop ourselves from getting swept up in in the stress of the day.
Our kids need us to have a level head, be good advocates for them, and enjoy your lives with them!
Join me in the
membership group where I can give you more specific feedback and suggestions.
I want you to be successful and I think it's the fastest way to make that happen!
You're Not Alone!
Is it time to reach out for a little more support? Sometimes finding a supportive community and coaching from someone who's "been there," is all we need to breathe a sigh of relief and BE SUCCESSFUL!
Sue's Creating Confidence Membership group can give you the opportunity to ask questions, clear out obstacles, and see all the benefits of this unschooling life!
