When School-at-Home Stops Working
If traditional homeschooling or school-at-home isn’t working the way you expected, you’re not alone. Many families reach a point where homeschooling feels harder, more tense, or less effective than it once did.
This post explores why traditional homeschooling sometimes stops working, the signs parents notice first, and why unschooling often enters the conversation at this stage. You’ll also learn what unschooling actually looks like in real life and how to explore alternatives to homeschooling without rushing or overhauling everything at once.
What This Post Covers:
- Signs traditional homeschooling isn’t working anymore
- Why recreating school at home often leads to frustration
- Common curriculum-based homeschooling challenges
- Why unschooling becomes appealing at this stage
- What unschooling actually looks like day to day
- Practical next steps for families exploring unschooling
Podcast #198 transcript:
If you’ve been homeschooling for a while — especially in a more traditional way — there’s often a moment when you realize:
This isn’t going the way I thought it would.
Not because everything is terrible.
Not because your kids are failing.
But because something just... isn’t lining up.
January is often when that realization hits. You’ve had enough time to see how things actually play out day to day, and you start quietly asking yourself:
Is this really working for us?
And that’s usually when unschooling enters the conversation — sometimes as a curiosity, sometimes as a last resort — and immediately brings up another question:
Okay... but what does that actually look like?
Today I want to talk about that in a very real, practical way.
What It Actually Starts to Look Like
Most families don’t start out planning to unschool.
They start with curriculum.
Schedules.
Good intentions.
A real desire to do this well.
Because that’s what we know.
Even when we leave school behind, we often recreate it at home — different materials, same structure. And for some kids, that works for a while.
Until it doesn’t.
The kids start dragging their feet.
They’re watching the clock.
They’re asking,“How much longer?”
before they even sit down.
Worksheets get rushed through — not because they’re easy, but because the goal is just to be done. And even when you’ve created something thoughtful — a unit study you were genuinely excited about — there’s not much interest.
Or they fly through it as fast as possible so they can move on to something they actually care about.
There’s no curiosity.
No sense of ownership.
Getting it over with.
And that’s frustrating for parents.
Because you’re trying, you’re putting the effort in.
You’ve invested time, money, and energy into making thisbetter than school.
On paper, it looked good.
You mapped out the year.
You bought the curriculum.
You even liked it.
But your child didn’t.
Or they started strong and fizzled out.
Every day turning into reminders and negotiations.
And at some point, you start wondering:
Is it supposed to feel like this?
If we left school to avoid this... why does it still look like school?
That’s usually the moment when parents realize:
It’s not about finding a better curriculum.
It’s about rethinking the whole approach.
The Noise Around Unschooling
If you’ve spent time in traditional homeschooling spaces — co-ops, support groups, conferences, blogs — you’ve probably heard some pretty strong opinions about unschooling.
Sometimes it’s subtle.
Sometimes it’s not.
Maybe you’re left with the impression that unschooling means doing nothing — no structure, no guidance, no direction… no parenting.
You might’ve heard that unschooling is:
- Risky
- Irresponsible
- only for a certain “type” of family
- something that closes doors later on
So even if these comments weren’t directed at you at the time, they tend to float around in your head and create doubt.
Even when unschooling starts to feel appealing, another voice kicks in.
- What if this limits my child later?
- What if I’m making things harder for them?
- What if this is just too...weird?
Yes — unschooling is unconventional.
But unconventional doesn’t mean unsafe or it’s going to limit their options.
I’ve worked with unschooling families for decades now. I’ve watched kids who never followed curriculum go on to college. I’ve seen them move into trades, creative careers, tech, entrepreneurship. They’ve become engineers, teachers, salespeople, artists, actors, farmers, social workers, hair stylists and therapists, you name it.
Doors didn’t close for them.
And the paths they chose made sense — because they actually knew themselves.
But no curriculum or traditional academic track.
What matters isn’t whether your child follows a conventional path.
What matters is whether they develop curiosity, learn what they need, and develop the confidence to make choices that fit them.
Those are not things curriculum guarantees.
And one of the reasons I talk so openly about this is because I know how intimidating it can feel to step away from what everyone else considers “safe.”
You’re not reckless for asking these questions.
You’re thoughtful.
And you deserve clear, honest answers — not fear-based warnings.
Still not sure…
This is something parents say to me all the time:
“I don’t want to go back to school. I don’t even want to duplicate it at home. But I don’t want to feel like I’m floating aimlessly either.”
That’s reasonable.
And it’s why lots of families start with what I call an Almost Unschooling approach.
You don’t have to throw everything out.
You don’t have to make a big declaration.
You don’t have to change everything at once.
What you do need is a clearer understanding of:
- What structure can look like without lesson plans
- How subjects show up naturally
- Why your own deschooling matters — not just your kids’
- And how to make decisions without second-guessing every move
Once you get clear on that, the day-to-day starts to feel different — not because everything is perfect or “all solved,” but because it makes more sense.
Your fears stop fighting your progress.
And that’s really what’s happening:
Your worst-case scenarios start flashing in your mind, trying to pull you back to the status quo — to what feels familiar, or at least what fear thinks is safe.
But you’ve already noticed something important:
the status quo isn’t working for you or your kids.
So you step off the conveyor belt — just enough to look around.
...You start unpacking ideas that maybe didn’t work, but you accepted as “a given.”
...You start observing what your own unique child needs to thrive.
...You start noticing what would helpyouthrive, too.
And sometimes that includes realizing you’ve got some deeply ingrained people-pleasing habits.
The world certainly liked you better when you were busy pleasing them. Compliant.
But unschooling asks a different question:
What happens when you get clear about what
you
need — not just what’s expected?
And no — this isn’t a light switch moment. Flip the switch and everything is different.
It’s not sudden:
It’s usually small shifts you barely notice.
Until one day you look back and think...
Huh. I’ve grown.
I’m better at this.
I trust myself more.
I’m relaxing into who I really am and not who everyone else wants me to be.
I know.
It’s deep.
But it’s worth it.
So What to Do Next…
Most parents at this point aren’t looking for a big overhaul — honestly, who has the bandwidth for that?
They’re just tired of forcing something that clearly isn’t a good fit anymore.
They want the days to feel better.
They want less tension.
They want to understand what learning can look like without recreating school at home.
And they don’t want to feel like they’re flip-flopping or guessing every step of the way.
What you actually need here is good, solid information.
And here’s something I notice a lot with homeschoolers:
many of us are really good at researching.
We know how to read the blogs and collect ideas.
That’s a familiar lane for us — and it can make usfeel
productive.
But you’re here now.
And at some point, it’s time to move from just reading… totrying something new.
That means looking at what other unschoolers have actually done, noticing what worked for them, and asking:
Could any part of that work for us?
You don’t have to decide everything in January.
You don’t have to announce a new identity or burn anything down.
You just have to stay curious —
and start using information that’s meant to be implemented now.
Specifics.
Practical ideas.
From another mom who’s already done this.
That’s where
Unschooling 101can really help.
It’s small, doable steps toward understanding how unschooling works — and how to make it work in
yourhouse.
Deep Breath…
You’re allowed to change course.
You’re allowed to do this gradually.
And you don’t have to figure it out on your own.
But at some point, it
istime to step off the conveyor belt — the one that keeps you reading, listening, collecting,
and second-guessing... without actually moving.
You don’t have to leap.
You don’t have to commit forever.
You just have to take a few real steps in your real life.
Think of everything as an experiment.
Try something.
Notice what works.
Let go of what doesn’t.
Keep learning and adjusting.
That’s not indecision — that’s how real individualization happens.
Not just in learning, but in life. We pivot when everything points to needing a change.
And if you want help taking those first steps — with practical guidance, real examples, and support from someone who’s already walked this path — that’s exactly what Unschooling 101 is there for.
You don’t have to do this alone.
You don’t have to know exactly how this works yet
…but it might be time to find out.
