10 Tips for Unschooling Families Going through Divorce
Sue Patterson
10 Tips if You’re Going through A Divorce
...and your educational choices are being challenged - especially if going to school is likely to happen.
So many families face tough issues when divorce is on the horizon. Often a spouse who was "on board" with unschooling originally, changes their mind and now sees it as a negative. Judges and lawyers add to this with their own (often) lack of knowledge or bias.
Over the years, questions about "what do I do?" have surfaced on our Unschooling Mom2Mom Facebook group. I've distilled their answers down to these ten tips.
- Avoid using the word “unschooling.” Call it homeschooling. From a legal standpoint, it is. And "unschooling" can freak people out - especially judges and exes that want to paint you as a wacko.
- If they insist the kids have to go to school, they’ll be ok. Let the school know you’ve been taking an
experiential progressive approach to learning and they might be behind in some things and way ahead in others. But that they are fast learners and you have no doubt they’ll catch up quickly. (All true.)
- Reassure the kids that they will be fine and that the school will teach them what they need and quiz them on the following Friday. Easy Peasy. No need to do some frantic prep to “get them ready.” It probably wouldn’t stick anyway because the stress level would be high and they don’t really want to do it.
Read This: When Unschooled Kids Go Back to School - Use the time with the kids to connect with them. Remind them of their strengths and how much you love them. Use everything you’ve learned about unschooling to continue to prioritize the connection with them, after school, before school, weekends, holiday breaks.
- Once they go to school, remember that your job is still to advocate for them. What the school wants is secondary to you listening to them and helping them navigate. You don't have to be a warden for the school in your home. If they really don't want to do something, so be it. Maybe you could help them, or maybe it's ok if they're just a so-so student. If you have stories in your head about “being called into the principal’s office,” you’ll need to work on that so you can put your child’s needs above your own fears and self-doubt. Fake it till you make it.
- Pay attention to the truancy laws and let your kids have periodic Skip Days to hang with you and recover from The Grind.
- Help them with homework. Do some of it with them. Remember that this is a process for them to figure out, and they don't have any say over it. Help them. Also remember that a) their grades don't really matter, b) they learn more about accomplishing things when they are working on things that matter to them.
- Remember that their grades are not the most important thing. Their mental health is. “Passing” is good enough. They can always get into college via community college (if that's what they end up wanting to do) even if they flunk out.
- Get a therapist for them. They will have a bundle of emotions to work through and may not want to add more to your load. Help them have somewhere they can process.
RoyaDedeaux.com is a grown unschooler that is a licensed therapist. (Just a suggestion)
- This may not be a forever thing. After the dust settles, you may be able to pull them back out.
More Info
If you're in the Facebook group, here's a link to more information from other families who have first-hand experience and have been willing to share.
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