Holidays and Unschooling – When Relatives Put You On the Spot

Tip #1: Pass the Bean Dip

And the first tip is called Pass the Bean Dip.

You may have heard about this through various social media, but it’s a tried-and-true approach that really works. I heard it first in the 90s - and I think it actually came from some Church Potluck conversational technique that kept everything superficial and pleasant. Remember back when THAT was the way to be in the world? It was taboo to talk about religion or money or politics! Or really anything that made people uneasy or feel exposed. But that’s not the case anymore and your choice to unschool may well cause someone to ask something and then the room falls silent as all eyes turn to you!

But this first technique, Pass the Bean Dip, is a diversion tactic.
It starts with that supposedly innocuous

“So. How's the homeschooling going?”

Give a quick little answer like,

“We’re figuring it out.”
Or
“Pretty good, actually.”

Practice saying it with confidence. In the mirror if you have to!

And then, look around and ask them to pass you something that’s close by.

Like bean dip. Or chips. Or whatever shifts you out of the hot seat and tosses the conversation in another direction... to something benign… like the food, or the weather, or the local football team.

Tip #2:  Shift Convo to THEIR Kids

Another really good conversation shifter is to ask them about their kids. Something specific, like,

“How’s Abby doing with volleyball this year?”

“What’s Sean into these days?”

Usually, people are only asking about your kids as a conversation starter.
And, truth is, they’d rather talk about their own kids than yours. So move the conversation in that direction.

Tip #3: For the Kids

Talk to your kids about how to answer the question,

“What grade are you in?”

It’s really easy to just pick the grade level that corresponds with their age.
Or, if they’re less timid, they could say,

“Well, I’m probably about 4th grade in Math, 6th grade in Language Arts, but 7th grade in Science!”

...Just for fun and give everyone a moment to pause and think about what that means!
You could add in,

“Yes, we have a lot of flexibility with how we’re approaching it all.”

Talk to the kids about how to respond to the age-old question,

“What’s your favorite subject?”

Yes, they COULD say “Minecraft.” Of course, all eyes will dart your way when they do. You could shrug, laugh it off, or simply nod in agreement, amused at the comment. Or, if the goal is to get out of the hot seat as soon as possible, thinking of a more traditional answer might be helpful.

“I’m really into Science,”

when they’re spending a lot of time with their pets or going on occasional nature walks, or even enjoying watching the clouds roll in. Science covers SOOO many topics that your kids might actually be playing with - and they may not realize that that falls under the “Science” category! So help them with that part.

Maybe,

“I love technology - the problem-solving, the research to figure things out. It’s awesome to have time to think about possible solutions.”

You get the idea.

Tip #4: Other Parents and THEIR Issues

Remember that your responses MIGHT unleash the fears your friends and family have about this educational choice. Sometimes they’re worried about you and your kids, and sometimes it’s really all about them. They can’t imagine how they could do what you’re doing - they certainly haven’t researched it the way you have - so it’s pretty much unfathomable to them. This may lead them to say things like:

“I could never…”
Or
“Don’t you worry about…”
Or
“How do they have any friends?”

For “I could never” - you could say,

“Yeah, it’s not for everyone.”

Be kind. Let them off the hook.

For “Don’t you worry about…” - you could say,

“I do sometimes. But the internet gives so much information when you know where to look!”

For the friends question,

“Well, it has been a little harder with the Pandemic - for everyone really. But they have dance, park days, online friends… and that seems to be working for us right now.”

Just think about what they’ll probably ask - and it may be the same questions you had initially. And without going into a big lecture - because they really don’t want that! - what’s a quick answer?

It’s perfectly ok to say,

“I hadn’t thought about that. I’ll look it up when I get home.”

or

“We’re doing this until it stops working - but for now, it’s working.”

or
           “Are you just curious, or do you want me to send you some resource links?”

Because while WE may feel defensive, they may really be unhappy with their situation too. You never know!

You can always point them to the podcast - the “What IS unschooling?” podcast is the second one I did.

And if you need more help, you can join my membership group.
Surrounding yourself with parents - and me! - might be the hand-holding you need.

And the Jumping into Unschooling Course will give you a better grasp on how unschooling works.
Pull it to the front of your mind so you’ll be more confident.

So… Thats’ it for me.

Tip #5: Don't let worry make you spiral into negatives

Sometimes a little focus on what COULD happen, can help it go well.
That pretty much goes for any interactions, right?
Maybe they don't mean it as rudely as it comes across?
Maybe you're feeling defensive?
Try giving the benefit of the doubt... just for that day.

And always remember this option...

No matter what holidays you're celebrating this month, I hope it all goes the way you’d like it to go.
Sometimes a little focus on what COULD happen, can help it go well.
That pretty much goes for any interactions, right?

I’ll be back again next week.

Happy Unschooling. Enjoy your family.