OK, on of the big question that I hear from coaching clients is,

“OK, I like this idea, but what exactly are we going to do all day?”

And the answer is going to be different for every family and every child. But that’s the beauty of a truly unique learning environment!
Yes, it may be much EASIER to toss a textbook at a kid and say, “Here’s what you need to learn.” But it’s going to be TORTURE to get them to do it! (But you already know that, right?) Why do you think that is? I think it’s because buried deep inside them, kids know adults are not telling the truth. They don’t really “need to learn” it. They’re hardwired to be curious – and they know what they’re curious about. And it’s not THAT.

When a family first starts out in home education, they have a lot of deschooling to do. They think in terms of subjects, tests, and grades. But Real Life doesn’t come at you all broken into categories like that. It weaves and overlaps, one topic leading to another.

Sue's Tips about Unschooling Teens

Here are some points to remember when you’re trying to figure this out:

Start with their interests.

Your teenager may be interested in a variety of activities/topics or maybe just one. Talk with him/her about each of them and start the adventure of getting to know your teen and their curiosities at a deeper level. Instead of saying, “Well, you’ll never get a job doing THAT!” – help them explore it, knowing that one thing does lead to another. Their life is unfolding in front of all you! Exciting, right?

• What did they enjoy doing before school got stressful or too busy?
• Recognize that solitary interests may be part of their decompression period – be supportive.
• Watch out for projection on your part – they are not you. They have their own path to carve.
• And even if you’re not that new to unschooling or home education, the teen years can be tough! And we don’t always get to know what’s stressing them out. But growing up is hard. Let’s give them room to learn how to develop some coping skills.

Conversations are key.

A lot of people overlook or undervalue conversations with their kids. And yet, this is where your data-mining is often going to come from! Your teen will give you insight into what’s happening in their world, how they’re prioritizing things, and what they’d like to pursue. Sometimes they’re even a little hesitant to share because they’re not sure what your reaction might be – or maybe past experiences tell them what your reaction is likely to be, so they’re worried! You have a chance to change that. If you want an honest dialogue, everyone needs to be able to share their thoughts without being worried about judgement or criticism. And, if their ideas are still somewhat naïve and unrealistic, know that they will change with maturity and especially if they feel you’re being supportive.

• Some of the best conversations happen late at night – take a nap in the afternoon so you’re ready for that!
• Realize that communication is sometimes nonverbal. Notice cues and indications as to preferences and dislikes.
• Less is more when it comes to parents talking. Remember the Charlie Brown depiction of adults voices sounding like, “Wah-wah-wah-wah”? Don’t create patterns where tuning you out is the norm.
• Avoid dominating the conversation – listen more.
• When it comes to making suggestions, think of it as quick seed-planting. That’s it. Let them ponder your ideas without a lot of input from you.

Enjoy opportunities to bond.

If you’ve been trying to get them to do their school work up until this point, you may have some relationship repair to do. Make the decision to drop any efforts to coerce your teen into doing anything. This only widens the wedge between the two of you. Instead, focus on enjoying your time together. (Truth is, you probably only have a couple years left of them home with you.) What you choose to do will depend on what the two of you enjoy doing together. But that’s the important part – that you enjoy the activity together.

• Maybe you like baking together. Or maybe creating a meal, each doing a different aspect of it. Or maybe you’re cooking and they’re sitting on the counter chatting with you, keeping you company.
• Maybe you like watching movies together, or talking about documentaries that are interesting or relevant in their lives. Or maybe it’s the Discovery channel for something new and different, or MythBusters, or Shark week. Maybe you need something quick and funny from YouTube or the Comedy Channel?
• Maybe you’d sign up for a yoga class together, or a class at Whole Foods about using knives, or a speaker series at the local university. Not only will this give you more to talk about but making this a priority shows how you value the relationship. And shared experiences strengthen the bond.