Last Day: Big Sale!

Save $300!

Save $228!

Unschooling Questions & Answers

Q1:  “How do I know whether to stick with my original homeschool plan or change it when things aren’t going well?”

Super  common question. But most of us start out with a really organized  plan that looks great on paper — but then real life, and real kids, step in. The moment you notice that your child is resisting, that you’re dreading the day, or that learning feels like a tug-of-war, that’s a sign it’s time to adjust. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re paying attention. Your’e not just pushing through because you have a scope and sequence that has to be completed. Lots of people LEFT school because they felt like the kids were just cogs in a wheel. Let’s not do that at home too. You don’t have to - at all.

Think of it as data: your child is giving you feedback. In unschooling, the ability to pivot is a strength, not a weakness.

Q2:  “What does letting kids lead really look like — especially when I feel like everything’s falling apart?”

Letting kids lead doesn’t mean you disappear into the other part of the house  or become passive. It means you observe what they’re naturally drawn to and then you support it. If your child spends the whole week building with Legos, that’s not “wasted time.” That’s engineering, storytelling, problem-solving. It looks messy from the outside, but it’s powerful learning. Your role is to connect resources, add variety, and cheer them on — not to drag them back to a plan that isn’t working.
This can happen with playing video games, or make  believe, or all kinds of things. They’re showing your their interests. Lean toward it so you can see what they like about it, where the learning is hiding - because it’s in there! That’s why we say things like “stop referring to their use of technology as “just screentime.” It’s so much more than that! They’re learning to read, to do math, they’re learning about other civilizations and history. They’re learning how to interact with other people, how to lead and how to persevere.

But you won’t know that if you dismissively say,
“All they do is screentime.”  🚩  That’s YOUR red flag to see what that actually means.

I did a whole webinar on Technology, if you want to go watch that. Or you can grab the Unschooling Guide aout Technology if you need some additional tools and you’re ready to tackle this. We spend a lot of time talking about this in my Membership Group, so even if you just come for a couple of months, it might help.

Q3:   “But what about the basics — math, reading, writing? Won’t my kids fall behind if we don’t make those a priority right away?”

This is the one that keeps parents up at night. And I get it — because we’ve all been told school is the only way to master those basics. But here’s the radical shift: kids learn the basics in everyday life.
Math shows up in cooking, in gaming, in budgeting allowance money.
Reading comes alive when kids care about the content — whether that’s game instructions, recipes, or a favorite graphic novel.
Writing grows out of purpose: texting friends, creating stories, making lists.
None of this requires a rigid curriculum to “cover the bases.”

Often, when I’m talking to parents in places like the Unschooling mom2mom Facebook group, someone will say, “Unschooling is great but certainly you don’t mean to blow off reading and math. MY kids need to be prepared to go out into the world - and that means the basics - at least reading and math - are a requirement.” 

Here’s the thing, I never said I don’t value reading or math. I never said that unschoolers don’t learn reading and math. I’m just saying you don’t have to go about it like they do in school. When you’re creating a full rich unschooling life, you’re reading to them, you’re mentioning that that billboard sign you just drove past starts with the same letter that starts their name, you’re putting a grocery list up on the fridge or maybe even the Strewing Calendar. WORDS are in their lives. And that’s the foundation, the pre-reading pile of knowledge that is going to help them move toward reading. It works the same for math. You’re helping them build their own data that will support learning to read and learning math. So I’m not saying “Do nothing, it will all work out.” I mean, truthfully, it probably would. Because as humans moving through our days, we do need to read and do math. And that’s the biggest catalyst for learning it: NEEDING it. Arbitrary, “Some day you’ll need this...” falls flat and sometimes isn’t even true.

Yes, of course I have a Reading and Math Unschooling Guide. I even have a really awesome Unschooling Math without Curriculum course - that can help you SEE where all the math is throughout your day - and how to make that the focus, instead of some curriculum. But it’s all about noticing and maybe doing a few things within your home to make it more math or reading-rich. 

Unschooling Course: Learning Math WITHOUT Curriculum

But the other part of that question is “won’t my kids fall behind?”
And my question is “fall behind who?” When you’re individualizing the learning for your child, they’re not in some comparison trap. There’s no bell curve, no class ranking. They’re in a class of one. They’re not competing with themselves, they’re simply adding more knowledge and growth every day. 

If you’re worried about “don’t all 8 year olds need to learn their times tables?” or don’t all 12 year olds need to memorize the parts of speech?” The quick answer is, “no.” They don’t. They can learn it when they need it. If it’s important, they WILL need it… and it will make sense to them to learn it. No resistance, no power struggle. They’ll want whatever it is that knowing those things provides - so they’ll have the motivation to learn it. 

So, if you’re worried about “falling behind,” do a little more deschooling. I have a ton of resources at the website on Deschooling - and even an entire YouTube playlist about Deschooling. We did a 30 day Deschooling Challenge in the membership that’s still available, so even more resources there. It’s important to shift away from the schooly mindset of all the students being standardized, everyone being led through the exact same material - as if one size fits all. We know that’s not the best way. So let’s not hang onto those ideas and keep making comparisons to a system we’re not part of.

Instead, look back 6 months.

What can they do now that they couldn’t before?

Not even necessarily from an academic standpoint. That’s just one piece.

How are they moving through the world differently?

NOTICE their progress. PAY ATTENTION to what you could do to make their lives fuller,, richer, and give opportunities for more growth that fits THEM - not some system that isn’t even a factor in your life anymore.

Q4:  “What if my child resists everything I suggest? Doesn’t that mean they’ll never learn discipline?”

Resistance usually tells us more about the fit than the child. If what you’re offering feels irrelevant or forced, kids push back — and honestly, we do too as adults. Think about being asked to take on a project at work that feels pointless — you’d drag your feet too. Instead of doubling down, try offering choices or shifting the environment. Discipline doesn’t grow out of compliance; it grows from self-motivation, from the experience of following their own curiosity and seeing it through.

And I think most people really know this. That’s why they say things like, “KIds need to learn to have grit.” It’s just that we don’t have to teach them that. They learn it when they want to get something they don’t have the skillset for yet. They suddenly have the motivation. We see it all the time on kids leveling up on the video games. They’re frustrated. They get mad. Then they go back to it and try again. That’s grit. This happens in lots of different areas where kids are playing. They’re building and then rebuilding. 

Where I think parents get off course is, they’’re trying to use this grit concept with things THEY want kids to do. But the kids aren’t seeing the point, so they’re resisting. And then the parents see that as a lack of grit. That’s not grit. Grit is internal.

So sometimes, when I’m talking with parents, I’ll tell them that and then they pivot a little. You may have done that just now. YOu may be thinking, “well ok, that makes sense. Maybe it’s not a Grit Thing” but they can’t always have their way. What about when they get a job and the boss says they have to do something and they don’t want to. They’ll be used to always taking the easy route and won’t do it and then they’ll lose their job and blame the boss.”

Have you thought that? Or heard someone say it? It’s really common.

Let’s break it apart.

“They can’t always have their way.” I don’t think anyone says this is happening. We’re still saying things like, “time to get ready to go,” or “can you feed the dog?” or “no, that shirt doesn’t fit anymore, you’re going to have to go change.” The list goes on and on where we have to ask them to do something they don’t really want to do. Sure, we try to “find the yes” in their requests. As the gatekeeper to most things in their lives, that’s just a kinder way to live. But they are not ALWAYS getting their way. That’s just fear with a megaphone in your head. Maybe it’s someone else’s voice - maybe it’s something you heard as a child. Maybe even there’s a little resentment that they’re getting to have such a great life. All of these are things to examine. But they’re not ALWAYS having their way. Notice the reality of that.

And as for that “how will you hold down a job” statement. Maturity is an interesting thing. It allows us to do a cost benefit analysis. We can weigh it out - do we want to keep this job? Do we have bills to pay? Should we quietly start looking for another job? These are the kinds of things our brains can do when we’ve acquired a little more maturity. But we don’t have to make them practice a home environment such that they can have practice  “enduring a bad work environment.” If that’s the case, just send them to school for that. So if someone says that to you - that’s really their perspective of school. Practice for a bad work environment where no one listens, you simply do as you’re told, then the bell rings and you go home. My guess is that you’re aspiring for a little more than that.

Q5:  “How do I balance my own expectations with what my child actually wants — especially when they’re so far apart?”

This is the heart of the shaky start for many parents. We come in with our hopes, our fears, our timelines. But kids have their own pace and passions. The key is noticing where those expectations come from. Are they from your own school experience? From comparison with neighbors? Or from your child’s actual needs? When you let go of “shoulds,” you make room for collaboration. That doesn’t mean your values disappear — it means you find ways to live them alongside your child, not over them.

Sometimes we hear the word, “Child-Led” and I think you’d do better to replace that with “Partnership Parenting.” Both parents and kids have input but sometimes the parent is leading and sometimes the child is. It all depends on the situation. So you have the top down Authoritarian “My way or the highway.” versus the “Child led, everything is as the child wants.” And successful unschooling is neither of those. 

This is maybe why it’s hard. It’s not black and white like that. It’s gray. Lots of gray area, actually. And some days, we’re irritable and that make everything hard for everyone. So what do YOU need as a parent? This will help you set the stage for your kids to be successful. In 12 step programs, they talk about something called HALT. H-A-L-T. Don’t let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. We don’t make good decisions when that is happening - and that goes for parenting too.

Sometimes it REALLY helps to talk with other parents about how they’re navigating all of this. We have our familiar way - or even the story we have created in our heads. But we don’t have a lot of experience with this partnership way. It’s not a switch to flip… it’s a process of learning and unlearning. You have to be patient with yourself and with your child. But you also have to show yourself some other ways that COULD work. Social media can help you with this a little. And My membership group can really help you do that. So I’ll give links in the show notes. 

"So if your beginning feels shaky, you’re in good company. Every unschooling family I’ve ever known has had bumps and doubts. The gift is learning to see those moments not as failures, but as invitations — invitations to connect more deeply, to trust more fully, and to remember that learning is happening all around you. Thanks for staying with me through this Q&A. I hope you heard the reassurance you needed today."

Check the shownotes for all the links to additional resources - including our September sales of the Parenting Toolkit and the Annual Membership. It’s all at the website: Unschooling Mom2Mom.com
Enjoy the kids - happy unschooling.