Unschooling Parent Worry: "What if I fail?"
I did a poll on my free
Unschooling Mom2Mom Facebook group asking parents asking a couple of questions.
“What's bothering you the most?
Or even,
"What's making you hesitate about unschooling?”"
Screentime, getting into college, making friends...all of those typical worries PALED to the fear:
“What if I Fail?”
Worrying About Failing Our Kids: It’s Universal, Not Just for Unschoolers
Every parent, at some point, worries about failing their children. It starts when they’re babies, and we’re unsure of what to do. We get advice from family, friends, or other parents, and slowly, we find our footing. We begin to carve out our own path in parenting, sometimes making choices that are different from how we were raised. We begin seeking out a more connected, gentle approach, and over time, we make small changes that reflect how we want to be with our kids.
Then the school years arrive, and we either try to make the traditional system work or come to a crossroads. If we reach that fork in the road and consider something as unconventional as unschooling, the worries tend to intensify.
That fear of “doing it right” grows louder, and it’s easy to understand why.
Stepping into the unknown adds a whole new layer of uncertainty.
It can feel like you’re charting new territory with no clear map.
We have a lack of familiar road signs.
And it makes the fear of "doing it wrong" louder.
We’ve been taught to conform, to follow the system, and to trust that it knows best - or at least better than WE do..
So when we step away from it, it’s no surprise that we get panicky and fear we’re going to fail our kids.
But here’s the good news:
Your worry comes from a place of love. If it didn’t, you’d opt for the free child care and you certainly wouldn’t prioritize the parent-child relationship the way unschoolers do. There’s actually a pretty long list of the difference between a non-caring parent and you. But the fact that you’re concerned shows just how deeply you care about your child’s future. Unschooling or not, no parent has all the answers. And the world is much different from when we were kids.
But by tuning into your child’s needs, staying open to learning together, and trusting yourself to pivot when necessary, you're already doing something powerful: individualizing your child’s education in a way the traditional system often can't.
You’re not alone—it’s a part of the journey for all parents. But remember, stepping outside the norm doesn’t mean stepping away from what’s best for your child. It just means you're finding a new, more personalized path for them and for your family.
Hi There!
If you’re new to the podcast, welcome!
I’m Sue Patterson, your host here at all things Unschooling Mom2Mom My own 3 kids are grown, and I want to share what I’ve learned - what worked and what didn’t. I want to help you create an individualized approach for your kids and your family.
I have all kinds of tools to do this - guides, ebooks, courses, and even a membership where you can access other parents. We do group coaching calls twice a week together.
You have the resources to do this - I’m happy to help you figure this all out.
So, as I was thinking about that oh-so-common worry...
“What if I Fail”
I started jotting down things I’d want to tell you if you sitting here with me.
So pour yourself a cuppa coffee, tea, whatever, and visualize me right there with you. ☕️
Parental Worries
First, I want to tell you that these fears are valid and natural. Parents often feel anxious because unschooling is unfamiliar.. And the responsibility of it all can feel daunting. When I first started, it helped to pick the brains of as many parents as I could find doing this unconventional approach.
We didn’t have as much access to information as you do now, but that can be a double edged sword, right?
TOO much information? And what’s true and what isn’t?
I get it, this can add to the worry too... but it’s part of finding your way and learning how to be a critical thinker YOURSELF. That’s why I always encourage people to tap into their local unschooling community - or online if you can’t find one. Listen to other ways parents approach all of this.
Familiar Doesn't Insure Success
Another thing I want to remind you...that while traditional schooling may feel familiar and structured, it doesn’t necessarily offer reassurance of success. Many kids struggle in a one-size-fits-all system, which often prioritizes standardized testing over individual growth.
Facts vs Fiction
Sometimes our fears have tapped into myths about unschooling. Maybe you worry that "unschooled kids won’t learn enough" or "they won’t be prepared for the real world."
That’s where you have to start thinking about what’s true and what’s just not. Unschooling isn’t new. My own kids are in their 30s. And I’ve known 100s personally - and thousands are out in the world, in careers and paths that they carved.
Doors didn’t close for them. 🚪
Because they were prioritizing their interests, they were moving in the direction that fit them. I’ll put links in the show notes for more information about getting into college and grown unschoolers.
You Can ALWAYS Pivot!
Remind yourself that unschooling allows you to easily adjust your approach to fit your child's changing needs, interests, and learning pace. You’re never locked into a rigid system, where you have to get approval and changes roll through SLOWLY. You can pivot as needed.
Sometimes we worry that we’re going to make "mistakes." But these are really "mistakes" in air quotes.
They’re not failures. They’re opportunities to learn and adjust. You have room to grow and evolve.
There’s no rigid syllabus for you to “mess up.” You lean in toward your child and see what the next step needs to be. This is about improving the communication between the two of you. Getting to the heart of what THEY need - finding the resources to help them have a full rich life - that’s where the learning happens.
You're the Resource Finder - Not the All-Knowing Teacher
You don’t have to know everything or be the expert on every subject. You can learn right alongside the kids, using the resources and experts that are readily available online and in the world. You just need to be open to learning together. As an unschooling parent, you’re going to learn how to be more resourceful and how to build your own network of helpful people. You don’t need to stress about finding the right curriculum - you’re looking at it! Your child is your living breathing curriculum. They’ll show you what interests them, what they’re curious about - and that’s the direction you move. And as YOU learn more, you’ll see that subjects DO weave through those interests they’re talking about - as well as the cool things you find to add and make it all a fuller richer life for them.
I have so many resources to help you do all these things and overcome your fears about not being enough. I even have an Unschooling Guide - Am I doing Enough? Maybe that would be helpful.
You're Not Alone!!!
Remember, you don’t have to do this by yourself. You can join us in the membership group where I help parents build their own stronger foundation.
I’m in there, creating new resources all the time to help parents tackle their worries head-on and overcome them!
I can show you have to create a customized plan that will work for YOU and for YOUR kids.
Being part of a supportive community, connecting with others, and accessing all these tools, you’ll find that your path becomes clearer and your fears fade away even fade away even faster.
Think about it - remember that podcast listeners can skip the sign up fee and just jump right in.
Here's your special link in the shownotes (above) Or you can go to this webpage link.
