Do your kids seem to be lacking motivation?

Does it make you worry if unschooling can really work in your family?

Let's talk about!

Lots of parents say this - maybe you can relate:

“My kid is so unmotivated!”

Or

“I’d love to ‘trust the process’ and unschool, but if I did, all they’d ever do is <fill-in-the-blank>."

And, usually, the complaint is that those things they’d always do “if left to their own devices,” is stay on their DEVICES! 

But I’ll talk another time (or two or three more times!) about unschooling and technology.
This time, though, I really want us to focus on that recurring theme of kids lacking motivation.

The first thing to think about is what YOU are bringing to the situation.

• What are you wanting them to be motivated to do?

• Play in ways they used to, when they were younger?

• Pick up a textbook?

• Do something that has a slight tint of academics?

Recognizing Your Agenda

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Sometimes the problem is with our agenda.

Think about the story in your head - what are you wishing would happen?

And, does your story... need a little deschooling?

When we have an idea of what we think SHOULD be happening, it crowds out the good that is actually occurring. It’s a dismissive “Yeah, but…”

“Yeah, that part is good, but this part isn’t. So I want to keep the focus on the thing I’m not satisfied with.”

And, maybe that needs a little reframing, right?

It might be better to say,

“Ok, this isn’t quite what I wanted, but these other things ARE happening - and they are good.”

This loosens the grip your Fear has on you. It nudges you away from all-or-nothing thinking or the disaster mindset we seem to move toward so frequently. It’s always good to shine some light on the problem and see what ALL is going on. That’s the “witnessing” part that you sometimes hear people talk about. It’s about asking yourself if your assessment of the situation is true or accurate, instead of getting defensive about what you want. Witnessing is when you can zoom out a little and see what’s happening in the interactions between you and your kids (or even anyone else).

The next part to explore is what we mean when we say,

“How can I motivate him?”

• Why would we think they need that?
• Because we don’t like their choices?
• They aren’t doing what we think they should do?
• They’re not following the familiar script we’ve created in our heads?

So that takes us back to OUR agenda and ideas about what WE think is supposed to happen.

But...

• Where did the unschooling idea about all learners being hardwired to learn go?
• Or about humans being naturally curious?
• Do we think our child is the exception to this?

We’ve read research that supports these ideas. But because the school approach dismisses them (because implementing all that personal choice in a school setting would be really hard), we also dismiss them and revert back to the familiar approaches.

Our initial desire for a truly individualized creative approach is laced with one-size-fits-all ideas.

It’s ok. It’s a process. And the point is to keep unpacking the thoughts that are getting in the way.