Coping with Holiday Gatherings - as Unschoolers
Are you dreading those holiday get-togethers?
Or maybe, not so much the getting-together part, but The Inquisition.
The questioning. The comparisons and judgement.
This week, I want to talk to you about dealing with the holidays. No matter what you’re celebrating, each year, around this time, we might be bumping into critics. I have resources specifically for this, I’ll put them in the show notes and at the website.
Last year, I gave 4 different tips for dealing with the holidays. It’s
Season 1, episode, 44.
I talked about
- The Pass the Bean Dip Technique
- Shifting the Conversation to their Children
- Prepping Your Kids so THEY have answers to typical questions
- Dealing with other parents who might have their own issues about what you’re doing.
So if you need more on these… I’ll put the link in the show notes or you can put Holidays and Unschooling in the search box at the Unschooling Mom2Mom website… and it will be there waiting for you!
This year, I want to give you tips - or really just ideas to think about - to help you with dealing with criticism from friends and family. Some of us live in a bit of a bubble. We create a safe community of people who support us and encourage us - and maybe you’re even in my membership group! I’ll put a link in the notes for that too, if you’re WISHING you had more support and encouragement!
But the holidays roll around and we WANT to spend time with our friends and family (usually), but it’s not as comfortable as the nest we’ve created for most of the year. Still, it’s busy and we press on.
One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to
Plan Ahead
Don’t get swept up in the busy-ness of everything. Taking a few moments to think about the ripple effects of some of the choices that might pop up - well that’s how to be successful at unschooling in general. Not to dwell on all the what if’s, but more of thinking, these are a few scenarios I think are possible - maybe even likely. And here are some ways we can tackle those.
My tips for wading into the fray with (potentially) critical friends and family.
About the Kids...
- What are the kids going to do while they’re there? Whether it’s at your house or grandma’s or anywhere else, remember, they are your priority. Not what people think of you - or even what people think of them. How will you help THEM move through this season? No matter how they might feel about this unconventional approach to education, you, the parents, made the decision to do this. So think ahead about what they will be DOING while you’re there.
- Is there somewhere you can go for a walk? Walk the dog? Just get out of the house.
- Could you pack a couple of frisbees or try a little beach ball volleyball in the backyard? Something that let’s the get out of the hot seat. You know that feeling when people are examining what they’re doing, like being in a bit of a fishbowl.
- Even if you’re not in the United States, the Macy’s Day Parade is interesting. Did you know that they have a bunch of videos the kids could watch about how the floats are made or other tidbits of information? It’s on pretty early, if you’re trying to catch it live - but you could put the recording of it on at some point. The kids might have interesting things to share - because they have a few facts about it up their sleeve. I’ll put the link at the website if this sounds fun to you.
Macy's Day Parade Videos - Because a lot of kids love technology, how about seeing if they’re up to USING that skill for something family-related? They could do mini-videos of each of the people there. They could ask typical questions related to holiday get-togethers. Like:
🎥 What’s your favorite food for the holidays.
🎥 How far did you have to drive to get to this event - anything interesting happen along the way?
🎥 Any funny memories from past get-togethers?
🎥 Anything you want to tell your family?
Have them give their name, age, and any other piece of information that fits.
Then you can share the video with family members! Either send it to them on their phone or see if someone can upload it onto the TV to watch.
About You...
This next batch of tips has to do with you.
- Yes, you’re probably doing something differently from everyone there at the get together. But you don’t have to sit in the hot seat all day either. You can even say,
“Hey, I don’t want to talk about that today," and then shift the conversation.
Or even, “Yeah, we’re going to do this and see how it goes. I can send you more info if you want it - otherwise, pass the mashed potatoes.”
That other podcast gives some more scenarios and options for your responses.
Next tip: Recognize that we often fall back into familiar roles at these get togethers. At home, away from them, we’re the grown-up, making decisions and living life as an adult. But we go to these family events and we can feel smaller, more hesitant. Sometimes our parents still see us as kids - teens, young adults who need their guidance. And maybe we did at some point, but not so much anymore. Notice if old family dynamics are keeping you from stepping into your full capabilities. If you’re doing it to yourself, focus on your child and what they may need from you. If your relatives are doing it to you, you don’t have to engage. I saw a meme once saying, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. I’ll share that on social media so you can print it or save it as a screensaver on your phone for the holidays!
A few last tips:
➣ You can arrive late or leave early.
➣ You can stay somewhere else, so you’re not under the magnifying glass.
➣ You can skip it altogether.
➣ You can read up on research about homeschooling and unschooling if you need help articulating some of the concepts to friends and family who are REALLY interested.
You don’t have to defend your choices - to anyone. They’re YOUR choices. It doesn’t mean you have to get mad at them, you can just smile, and say to yourself,
“Not today, dearie.”
A quick,
“Yeah, I know it’s different. But I don’t want to spend this whole weekend trying to help everyone understand. Can we talk about something else.”
It’s part of that maturity timeline that YOU are on… getting ok with truly individualizing your life.
tepping away from conformity. Making your own choices.
You know.. That’s the basis of unschooling anyway.
Prioritize your kids and your relationship with them - and that means at these get-togethers too.
OK! Good luck to you, as you move through the holidays. I have a lot of support you can tap into, if you need it - even if just for a month or two. YOu don’t have to do this alone!
And I’ll be back again next week! Take care!
Need Specific Suggestions?
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