When Your Support Group Doesn’t Feel Supportive
Is your Co-Op Affecting your Confidence?
You joined the co-op or support group hoping for connection, encouragement, and maybe even a little inspiration.
But instead?
- You leave feeling deflated.
- Questioning your choices.
- Worried your kids aren’t “doing enough.”
- Measuring your kids' days by someone else's checklist.
It’s not just discouraging—it’s lonely.
And sometimes it starts to feel like a competition you never meant to enter—
Not just about what the
kids are doing, but about how well
you’re doing too.
You hear other moms chatting about test scores, curriculum plans, or how their 8-year-old is reading high school novels—and just like that, your confidence takes a hit.
Support groups can quietly turn into comparison clubs.
And those side-eyes?
Even if they weren’t meant to be judgmental, they land hard—especially when you’re already carrying some doubts.
I’ve heard from so many parents who say they feel like they’re bluffing their way through their own homeschool group.
Like if anyone really knew how much tech time the kids have, or how they still don’t know their times tables, or how your whole family is just figuring it out day by day... they’d be voted off the island. FORGET telling them you're considering unschooling! 😳
But here’s the truth:
Not every group is the right fit.
And just because something is called a support group doesn’t mean it actually supports you.
Unschooling—or any kind of intentional parenting—isn’t a performance.
It’s not about impressing anyone or proving you’re doing it “right.”
It’s about growing, connecting, and building something that works for
your family.
My Co-Op Experience
When we first signed up for a local co-op way-back-when... we were just beginning to unschool. This co-op was the only game in town and my kids wanted to meet other kids. So we signed them up for the art and P.E. classes only!
I wanted to meet other parents too, and I had such high hopes! But it became clear that these rural Texas homeschoolers had VERY different ideas about parenting and education. So I was on a quest to see if anyone else along the perimeter looked like they may feel a little out of step there too. I stopped looking for reassurance from the co-op and started mining for people I cold relate to! And sure enough, EUREKA! I found TWO! One is still my friend to this day!
But once I found a couple of people, we made our exit from the Co-op.
I remember thinking that we didn't leave one PTA to join another! I continued with my exploration of the community, creating opportunities for the kids and tapping into what wa available - but I found my SUPPORT online.
What to do?
So the group you joined isn't making you feel better - but is actually making things worse, remember this:
Their priorities don’t have to be yours anymore.
And let's look at some options for you:
3 Steps TOWARD Real Support:
Step One:
Step away.
You’re allowed to outgrow spaces that no longer serve you. Especially ones that make you doubt the very values you’re trying to nurture at home.
Step Two:
Reach out.
A coaching call might be exactly what you need to quiet the fears and find resources that fit your vision.
We can talk through the doubts
and find your footing again.
Step Three:
Find a Better Fit
Remember—if you’re a “group person,” that’s not the problem.
Communities vary - you just need to find the right one. Online options can really help your confidence!
People who join co-ops usually like having community
- not just for your kids, but for YOU too!
Everyone wants to be surrounded by people
who understand what they're doing and why.
So let’s get you connected to one that actually supports you.
You can’t always change your relatives or your neighborhood moms, but you can join a group that celebrates individualized learning. Where parents are rewriting the rules, listening to their kids, and cheering each other on.
You don’t even have to call it unschooling if that word feels too loaded right now. One parent in my group calls it Life Learning—and that works beautifully too.
What matters is that you feel empowered to build the life that works best for your family.
You can have a supportive support group.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Remember, you can change things up.
You can tell them your family is going to take a break. Don't offer more information - that's enough.
If you're like me, when you get nervous, you OVER-Share! 🤦🏻♀️ Resist that urge!
You can always go back to it later, once you're on steadier ground. Lot's of families' KIDS like hanging out with the kids in co-op - even if it's a not great fit for the mom. So bring a book, listen to a podcast, meditate in the car - you have options!!!
This is all about figuring out how to individualize your lives.
