When Moms Feel Discouraged
Transcript:
Welcome to the Unschooling Mom2Mom podcast!
I’m Sue Patterson, your host here bringing you your weekly quick Unschooling Peptalk.
If you’ve been feeling a little discouraged lately—wondering if you’re doing this unschooling thing “right” or if you’re somehow being irresponsible for not replicating a school-like structure at home—I want you to know, you are NOT alone. So many moms wrestle with these same feelings, and today, I want to give you some reassurance and encouragement to help you move forward with confidence.
And—just a little hint—I have something special happening on my birthday this Thursday!
So stick around if you’ve been thinking about joining our private membership at a reduced price.
Is It Normal to Feel This Way?
Here’s what someone wrote to me:
“Is it normal to feel like an irresponsible parent for not having structure and schedule like a normal public school format?”
Absolutely! Society is incredibly judgey about how we mother our kids. It’s like we’ve all been thrown into some giant competition—who’s the busiest, the most exhausted, the most self-sacrificing. The “overworked mom” has somehow become this badge of honor. No wonder we feel like we’re floundering when we step outside of that mold!
But here’s what I want you to hear loud and clear: You do not have to earn exhaustion points to be a good mom. You don’t need anyone’s approval to build the life that works for YOUR family. Unschooling is about embracing a new way of thinking, and sometimes that means shaking off the old expectations that were never really serving us in the first place.
Take Charge of Your Life
One of the first hurdles unschooling parents face is standing firm in their choices. Maybe you still feel like you need permission—from your parents, your in-laws, your friends, or even that little voice in your head that tells you, “This isn’t how I was raised.” Maybe you haven’t broken free from some of those family roles you’ve outgrown.
But here’s the truth: You are the grown-up now. You get to decide what works for your family. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. It takes time to feel solid in your choices and certainly no one really talked about HOW to learn to stand on your own two feet. Maybe you’ve even gotten into a bit of a rut because it was just EASIER to agree with everyone than stand up to them. But talking with other unschooling parents who’ve been there can make a world of difference. We all have to figure this out - it’s nice to not have to do that all by yourself.
Your Kids Need You to Be Their Advocate
Because if you’re waiting for approval, it may never come.
Waiting for approval? It may never come. And you don’t want to waste a single day of your child’s childhood waiting for validation from people who don’t see the full picture. Your kids need YOU to be the person who trusts in their unique journey and stands up for what feels right for your family.
And I know, that can be hard to do. But your own child needing you to step up might be the catalyst you need, to break free from the dutiful daughter or compliant schoolgirl roles. Seeing that
you are the person there to protect your child may be the incentive you need to get through the hard part.
You may have to give yourself permission to and approval to do what’s resonating with you - what’s best for YOUR child.
Learn More About Parenting—It’s Always Evolving
Parenting isn’t about having all the answers from day one. It’s about being open to learning and growing alongside your kids. Even with my grown children (who are all now in their 30s!), I’m still learning and adjusting how I support them. The same will be true for you.
One of the biggest shifts in unschooling is learning to trust your child’s learning process. That means listening—really listening—to what they need. Sometimes, our old habits and beliefs want to jump in and take over, but when we pause and connect, we build something so much more powerful: trust.
And trust is the foundation for everything. The more connected you are with them, the more data you’ll actually gain about what’s going on with them. You’ll see or hear the progress. And you won’t feel that panicky feeling to get in there and run the show.
You’re a Family, Not a System
I hear moms say all the time, “We have no structure! Should I be worried?” And I always say—don’t think of it that way. Instead, ask yourself, “Do we have a rhythm that works for us?” Families ebb and flow, but school systems are rigid. You’re not running a system. You’re nurturing a family, and the beauty of unschooling is that you can shift and adjust whenever you need to.
Think about what successful classrooms do—good teachers try to connect with students, make the space feel cozy, and create a relaxed atmosphere for learning. Schools are trying to mimic home because they know learning happens when kids feel comfortable and valued. But here’s the thing—you already have that naturally! And you can take it even further because you’re not managing a classroom of 25 kids. You can truly individualize learning and pivot as needed.
Schools have to move entire classrooms from Point A to Point B, keeping the system running no matter what the individual learners need. Change happens slowly because it requires approvals and bureaucratic processes. But parents don’t have those barriers. You have the freedom to adjust, evolve, and meet your child’s needs in real-time. It may not feel familiar, but trust me, it’s so much better.
Seasons Change—And So Do Our Kids
What worked for your child a few months ago might not work today—and that’s okay! Growth and change are part of the process. The good news? You’re not stuck. You get to adapt, to be flexible, and to create an environment where learning naturally unfolds.
Nature reminds us of this rhythm, too. Just as the seasons change, so do our children’s needs and interests. Learning doesn’t have to look the same all year long—winter invites coziness and reflection, while summer sparks adventure and exploration. If you’re looking for ways to align your unschooling with the natural rhythms of the year, my Seasonal Unschooling Guides are full of ideas and tips to help you create meaningful, seasonally-inspired learning experiences.
You Are NOT Alone
Even though the mainstream world may not understand unschooling, you are far from alone. There are so many families raising kids this way, and they are thriving! If you need to hear stories from grown unschoolers, I’ve got plenty to share. You could grab my book, Homeschooled Teens. I interviewed 75 young people who didn't go to high school. Listen to what these 75 young people say when I asked them questions about not going to high school - it's a really reassuring read.
And if you’re looking for real-time support—people who “get it” and can walk alongside you—I want to invite you into our private membership.
Flash Sale is Over - But Community is Still Available!
Connect with other unschooling moms, and get the support you need without feeling like you’re doing this alone.
So, if you’ve been on the fence, let's do this together!
Remember, you are more than enough for your kids. You don’t have to do this perfectly—you just have to show up with love, curiosity, and a willingness to grow. And I promise, that is enough - it’s actually a lot!
Until next time, take a deep breath, trust yourself, and enjoy the journey. Prioritizing your kids, their learning, their childhood, and your connection with them—that’s what’s truly amazing. Most people don’t do that. But you do.
